Henna Fever day!!!

The day is finally drawing closer when bachelorhood and spinsterhood will end for the couple-to-be. A lot of events go into this phase of their life. The following days promise to be one never to be forgotten.  The crowning of the marriage which actually takes place on the Sunday morning is preceded by a weeklong of activities. These activities vary from tribe to tribe and are influenced by many other factors. Mostly in Ghana, it usually begins from the Friday of the wedding week. 

The expectant bride is aware of what the Friday holds. It is usually the day when the first henna is applied on her. It is a very much anticipated event by all including family members, friends and some members of the man’s family. It is done by women amidst singing, dancing, and in some cases drumming. The bride is seated in a room where all people will come and apply the henna on her body. It is then left to redden her and set her apart from all other women present on the wedding day.

Later in the afternoon, a professional henna designer comes in to draw beautiful designs which replicate tattoos on the hands and feet of the bride. These designs are temporary and usually disappear weeks after the marriage. On this day, the bride is dressed in white clothing signaling her ushering into the marital world. It is supposed to signify purity and the start of a new life. In most Muslim communities, the bride gets dressed up later in the evening from about 3pm to come out into the public. Usually girlfriends and other female members put up a party to celebrate this new phase in her life. The bride will be expected to come out and dance to songs played by the DJ. It is a day of merrymaking and usually ends with the bride feeling very tired. Sometimes there is the popping of non alcoholic wines to grace the occasion. This procession is very attractive as onlookers and passersby all stand to watch it. 

Some members of the man’s family who otherwise did not know the woman use the day as an opportunity to see her. They come together as a group and make the trip to the woman’s house. They then also use the opportunity to tell the woman how lucky she is to join their family and also make fun of her. Food preparations start today as well and most at times the slaughtering of the cow also. The women in charge of cooking are assigned but most of the time, all present at the ceremony help in all manner; cutting onions, tomatoes, grinding peppers, amongst others.

The day usually ends with all feeling exhausted. The ones who have to travel from far places to get to the occasion usually get to the venue in the evening and stay over till Sunday when the bride is taken to her husband’s house. Most people stay up late finishing with all that needs to be and there is usually a lot of discussions between the people present. The next day is going to come along with it more work and more activities.

The Mahr

The intending groom is asked to offer ‘Mahr’ to his bride to be.  It may be in the form of cash or kind and even at other times as an education in hairdressing or tailoring. It is a mandatory required amount of money, possession or usually a combination of both paid by the groom to his bride to be at the time of marriage for her exclusive use. This is mentioned many time s in the Holy Quran and Hadith. Allah says “And give women their Mahr as a free gift, but if they of themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then eat it with enjoyment and with wholesome result.”(Quran 4:4) 

In Ghana, the Mahr is most often referred to as ‘Lefe’ in local terms. It can be given in many different forms but most commonly accepted across all tribes is bags containing ‘goodies’. These include wax prints, scarves, veils, toiletries, cosmetics, shoes, bags, praying mat, sleeping mat, sponge, pail and towels amongst others. One of the most important items brought is the ‘Henna’. This is locally referred to as ‘Lele’ and it is a greenish plant which is dried and grounded to a powdery form. The henna is very significant as it is a Sunnah. Thus, it was used by the prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and his wives. It is applied on the body of the bride on her wedding day which reddens and sets her apart.

All these items are put in bags or suitcases and carried by members of the groom’s family to the bride’s house. The carriers usually comprise aunts, sisters, cousins and friends. The Lefe of a woman is dependent on her social status such that a woman from a high social class will have an extravagant one consisting of expensive and luxurious goods and vice versa.  On other occasions, the Mahr can be in the form of a car, house and even cattle depending on the financial capabilities of the man. Some ethnic groups demand certain types of Lefe as per their customs and traditions.

The day the Lefe is to be presented in one very much anticipated by the bride’s family. Members of the family are informed before hand to come help in welcoming and intercepting the goods. The bride is not present at this time in the house as she leaves early in the morning so as not to be seen by her in laws. Food is cooked and drinks also served much to the visitors. After eating and drinking, a representative from the man’s family declares their mission and inquires from the representative of the woman’s family to scrutinize the Mahr brought forward. One by one the goods are brought out and shown to all present. There is a usual shout of approval each time a good is shown to all present. In cases where the Mahr is incomplete, it is made known to the ‘visitors’ and a replacement is made at another date.

 

 

After all is said and done, a date is then set for the wedding ceremony to take place. Usually both families have to come into agreement on the date set and if there are possible interferences with the date, a compromise is made and the wedding ceremony is rescheduled. Thus until the wedding day, this day signifies that almost half of the marriage is in place.

COURTSHIP AND 'KNOCKING'

In modern day societies dating and courtship are very much encouraged. The reason for this is to check the compatibility status of the spouses-to-be. As much as it is the trend recently, Islam frowns upon pre-marital relations between members of the opposite sex. Engaged couples are not even allowed to go out together with the consent of parents.

In recent times, most Ghanaian Muslims have attributed the change in courtship rules to modernization. They now engage in many activities which are geared at identifying compatibility and knowing more of the person one is getting married to. Unsupervised dates, picnics and sometimes visiting of one another are the rule of the day.

Meeting of the two families

Usually after deciding on the choice for a partner, the family of the man approaches the other family to suggest a meeting. The formalization of the couples union is made open during this 'knocking' meeting. It is after this that the couple is allowed to meet each other in a chaperoned environment. In Islam, a proposal for the woman’s hand in marriage is not discouraged as it is considered to be natural and an act of dignity and respect for her.

In Ghana, after coming into agreement to get married, the man’s family usually make a trip to the woman’s to seek her hand in marriage. During this meeting between the two families, the father of the woman also gathers a few of his kinsmen to witness this event. After the intention is made, the father calls his daughter aside and asks her opinion on the matter. If she agrees, then he goes back and the formality continues.

At this juncture, a discussion ensues, with the families coming into agreement about all that needs to  be paid for and done for the marriage to take place. Matters for discussion usually include the payment of the dowry by the man, most of the time with monetary values. The dowry of a woman is dependent on her social and economic background in most Ghanaian Muslim communities. A demand for a ‘LEFE’ is also made. This usually comprises bags containing clothing, accessories, shoes, bags and other dainty items. A next meeting is then set for a later date after the demands made are met.