The day has finally come.......

Tonight signifies the official beginning of married life for the bride and groom. This day is filled with many phases and practices that the couple will engage in. Nonetheless it is a day of endless merrymaking and emotions for all those directly involved in the marriage. On the part of the bride’s family, it is joyful and sad as the mixed feelings of happiness and sadness are bound to be experienced. It’s a time of happiness because her parents are proud to have given their child into marriage according to the rulings of Allah and sad because their ‘little’ girl is leaving them and starting her own life without them. For the groom it is a realization that he has a new responsibility ahead of him and must strive to give off his best to provide for his wife and the family they will build.

It all starts as early as dawn when the first familiar crow of the cock is heard. The bride to be is awoken from the short sleep she might have had and is led by an elderly lady to take a special bath. This bath is a cleansing one and is meant to purify the girl from all previous ‘dirt’ as according to the Sunnah. She is then given water in a pail infused with perfume and liquefied henna to splash on her whole body from heads to toe. She then lets it dry on her for some few minutes before cleaning her body and then wearing her first attire of the day; a white cloth and veil signifying her new status. Meanwhile other people in the house start preparations for the day cooking, cleaning and getting the place of wedding ready (which is usually the mosque).  The first rite of the day is the ‘tying’ of the marriage as it is literally called and lasts for at least one hour. This is characterized by the family of the groom made up of mostly men who arrive at the mosque chosen by the bride’s family for the occasion. Usually, if the bride went to a ‘Makaranta’ or Arabic school and completed the Holy Quran, she does ‘Walimah’ where she dresses in her white gown and goes into the mosque where the ceremony is being held for some recitations from the holy book to the admiration of all. Otherwise, she just stays home and the ceremony continues without her. The wedding procession is witnessed by chosen representatives from both families who bear witness to the wedding and who can be called on later in case of any marital problems.

After the marriage has been officiated and prayers have been made for the couple, food and drinks are made available to all present and the merry making begins. The bride then is allowed to change from her white dress into another one so as to go around greeting people present. This becomes her first walk outside her room as a married woman and she is greeted by hoots and joyous appellations from the crowd.  Some families demand that the bride be brought to the family house of the groom during the day so she can be seen by the family and also celebrated. This involves the bride assigned to a particular place where she sits and the family of the groom from women to men coming round to shower her in money signifying her worth to them. This is indeed a very joyful and playful sight. All this does not take more than three hours before the bride is taken back to her house for the ultimate farewell party.

Usually after ‘Asr’ prayers in the late afternoon (3.00pm), the procession begins with the bride and her friends making merry in a party like fashion. A D.J. is hired to play music to entertain the crowd present mostly women and children. Her friends take turns coming in the center to dance to loud music. When it is the turn of the bride dressed regally and ever so beautifully to come and dance, the whole crowd comes around her to shower her with money. This is a practice which takes place in most wedding ceremonies across Ghana and it shows the love people have for the bride. She goes and comes for about three or four times each time dressed in a different costume. This party ends towards the evening and everyone bids her farewell and goes their separate ways. After the tiresome day she has had, the greatest anticipation is that of finally being taken to her husband’s house. The bride is brought in to take a quick bath one last time before changing into another white cloth which she will be taken in to her husband’s house.  Her mother or an elderly aunt takes her to her father for his blessings and last advice before she meets her mom and other married women who anxiously wait in another room to give her the last pieces of advice on how to maintain her home, be a good wife and live an enviable married life. She is then accompanied to her husband’s house amidst singing and crying from her and all who will miss her. Indeed, the day has come…………

 

But that is not the end. Two to four days after all the chaos and excitement of the marriage has died down, the family of the bride get ready to go back to the new brides house. This is not just to visit but to take all her ‘things’ to her. Kitchen ware and accessories, laundry items, bags of food, suitcases of her dresses well as her ’lefe’, and other household items are all taken by the women. It is also a chance for people who weren’t able to be a t the bride’s house on the Sunday to see where she will be living. On this day the last words of advice is given and the new bride is now left to build her home and take good care of her husband. This is what most Islamic marriages in Ghana are all about.

SATURDAY LIVE

In most communities, Saturday of the wedding week signifies another huge celebration; more cooking, fun, singing and dancing as well as the dinner party. During all this turmoil of events and excitement, no one really stops to think for a moment about the emotions of the bride and groom to be. To all, they are the happiest people in the world (rightly so) and there is a failure to recognize that they could be having bouts of anxiety and in some cases depressions. All these could arise as a result of expectations and fears about the coming weeks and possibly years. It rarely happens that a bride takes off before her marriage ceremony is finalized. The repercussion for this action is very traumatic. Nonetheless, the bride has to go along with the excitement. 

The first batch of ‘physical transformations’ starts today in anticipation of the evening and Sunday. The beautician is usually called in to groom the bride to perfection. She fixes the brides hair, wax her eyebrows fix her artificial eye lashes and most at times give her a manicure and pedicure. In effect, she changes completely with a very beautiful glow. 

It is not always the job of the bride to plan her wedding though there are quite a few times when her opinion is sought in some matters of the ceremony. She gets to choose the clothes, jewelry, shoes and bags she will wear but mostly under supervision of an elderly woman in the family. Most at times her clothes and accessories must stand out from all that others will be wearing on that day and also complement each other.  

It is a common trend in recent times to host dinner parties for the couple mostly on Saturdays on the basis it can be afforded. Thus a venue is booked in advance and relatives, neighbors and friends are invited. However, lavish spending is not advisable especially when the same money can be used effectively by the couple. The groom and bride are the celebrants and sit together for the first time publicly. Thanks to modernity and globalization, such rulings about Islam prohibiting this meeting prior to officiating the marriage have evolved. The couple takes their first steps together in a dance especially for them (as happens in western cultures) to the admiration of all present. It is also an avenue for single ladies and young men to fraternize and create friendships. There is merry making and the couple gets showered with money especially when they dance. 

On the other hand, in cases where there will not be a dinner, an alternative late afternoon feast is organized to commemorate this day. it is much more humble and not as financially constraining as the former. A DJ is booked in advance to be present with loud speakers to play music to the merry of the crowd present. The bride comes out dressed in different dresses several times to dance and show off. Most times she wears dresses made from lace and batik fabrics sewn to perfection. The day ends in anticipation for the ‘Grande’ Sunday and the end of spinsterhood. It is just another day in waiting!

Henna Fever day!!!

The day is finally drawing closer when bachelorhood and spinsterhood will end for the couple-to-be. A lot of events go into this phase of their life. The following days promise to be one never to be forgotten.  The crowning of the marriage which actually takes place on the Sunday morning is preceded by a weeklong of activities. These activities vary from tribe to tribe and are influenced by many other factors. Mostly in Ghana, it usually begins from the Friday of the wedding week. 

The expectant bride is aware of what the Friday holds. It is usually the day when the first henna is applied on her. It is a very much anticipated event by all including family members, friends and some members of the man’s family. It is done by women amidst singing, dancing, and in some cases drumming. The bride is seated in a room where all people will come and apply the henna on her body. It is then left to redden her and set her apart from all other women present on the wedding day.

Later in the afternoon, a professional henna designer comes in to draw beautiful designs which replicate tattoos on the hands and feet of the bride. These designs are temporary and usually disappear weeks after the marriage. On this day, the bride is dressed in white clothing signaling her ushering into the marital world. It is supposed to signify purity and the start of a new life. In most Muslim communities, the bride gets dressed up later in the evening from about 3pm to come out into the public. Usually girlfriends and other female members put up a party to celebrate this new phase in her life. The bride will be expected to come out and dance to songs played by the DJ. It is a day of merrymaking and usually ends with the bride feeling very tired. Sometimes there is the popping of non alcoholic wines to grace the occasion. This procession is very attractive as onlookers and passersby all stand to watch it. 

Some members of the man’s family who otherwise did not know the woman use the day as an opportunity to see her. They come together as a group and make the trip to the woman’s house. They then also use the opportunity to tell the woman how lucky she is to join their family and also make fun of her. Food preparations start today as well and most at times the slaughtering of the cow also. The women in charge of cooking are assigned but most of the time, all present at the ceremony help in all manner; cutting onions, tomatoes, grinding peppers, amongst others.

The day usually ends with all feeling exhausted. The ones who have to travel from far places to get to the occasion usually get to the venue in the evening and stay over till Sunday when the bride is taken to her husband’s house. Most people stay up late finishing with all that needs to be and there is usually a lot of discussions between the people present. The next day is going to come along with it more work and more activities.

The Mahr

The intending groom is asked to offer ‘Mahr’ to his bride to be.  It may be in the form of cash or kind and even at other times as an education in hairdressing or tailoring. It is a mandatory required amount of money, possession or usually a combination of both paid by the groom to his bride to be at the time of marriage for her exclusive use. This is mentioned many time s in the Holy Quran and Hadith. Allah says “And give women their Mahr as a free gift, but if they of themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then eat it with enjoyment and with wholesome result.”(Quran 4:4) 

In Ghana, the Mahr is most often referred to as ‘Lefe’ in local terms. It can be given in many different forms but most commonly accepted across all tribes is bags containing ‘goodies’. These include wax prints, scarves, veils, toiletries, cosmetics, shoes, bags, praying mat, sleeping mat, sponge, pail and towels amongst others. One of the most important items brought is the ‘Henna’. This is locally referred to as ‘Lele’ and it is a greenish plant which is dried and grounded to a powdery form. The henna is very significant as it is a Sunnah. Thus, it was used by the prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and his wives. It is applied on the body of the bride on her wedding day which reddens and sets her apart.

All these items are put in bags or suitcases and carried by members of the groom’s family to the bride’s house. The carriers usually comprise aunts, sisters, cousins and friends. The Lefe of a woman is dependent on her social status such that a woman from a high social class will have an extravagant one consisting of expensive and luxurious goods and vice versa.  On other occasions, the Mahr can be in the form of a car, house and even cattle depending on the financial capabilities of the man. Some ethnic groups demand certain types of Lefe as per their customs and traditions.

The day the Lefe is to be presented in one very much anticipated by the bride’s family. Members of the family are informed before hand to come help in welcoming and intercepting the goods. The bride is not present at this time in the house as she leaves early in the morning so as not to be seen by her in laws. Food is cooked and drinks also served much to the visitors. After eating and drinking, a representative from the man’s family declares their mission and inquires from the representative of the woman’s family to scrutinize the Mahr brought forward. One by one the goods are brought out and shown to all present. There is a usual shout of approval each time a good is shown to all present. In cases where the Mahr is incomplete, it is made known to the ‘visitors’ and a replacement is made at another date.

 

 

After all is said and done, a date is then set for the wedding ceremony to take place. Usually both families have to come into agreement on the date set and if there are possible interferences with the date, a compromise is made and the wedding ceremony is rescheduled. Thus until the wedding day, this day signifies that almost half of the marriage is in place.

COURTSHIP AND 'KNOCKING'

In modern day societies dating and courtship are very much encouraged. The reason for this is to check the compatibility status of the spouses-to-be. As much as it is the trend recently, Islam frowns upon pre-marital relations between members of the opposite sex. Engaged couples are not even allowed to go out together with the consent of parents.

In recent times, most Ghanaian Muslims have attributed the change in courtship rules to modernization. They now engage in many activities which are geared at identifying compatibility and knowing more of the person one is getting married to. Unsupervised dates, picnics and sometimes visiting of one another are the rule of the day.

Meeting of the two families

Usually after deciding on the choice for a partner, the family of the man approaches the other family to suggest a meeting. The formalization of the couples union is made open during this 'knocking' meeting. It is after this that the couple is allowed to meet each other in a chaperoned environment. In Islam, a proposal for the woman’s hand in marriage is not discouraged as it is considered to be natural and an act of dignity and respect for her.

In Ghana, after coming into agreement to get married, the man’s family usually make a trip to the woman’s to seek her hand in marriage. During this meeting between the two families, the father of the woman also gathers a few of his kinsmen to witness this event. After the intention is made, the father calls his daughter aside and asks her opinion on the matter. If she agrees, then he goes back and the formality continues.

At this juncture, a discussion ensues, with the families coming into agreement about all that needs to  be paid for and done for the marriage to take place. Matters for discussion usually include the payment of the dowry by the man, most of the time with monetary values. The dowry of a woman is dependent on her social and economic background in most Ghanaian Muslim communities. A demand for a ‘LEFE’ is also made. This usually comprises bags containing clothing, accessories, shoes, bags and other dainty items. A next meeting is then set for a later date after the demands made are met.

INTRODUCTION

Marriage is a union between two people, man and woman, usually recognized by law and who have come together for many different purposes. All over the world and in all religions, people engage in this activity. The rules regarding it are diversified in many ways across board. From the very first creation by God, he instituted marriage as seen in the case of Adam and Eve.  From the Islamic perspective, marriage is equated to clothing. In this context, the husband and wife are one another’s protector and comforter as in real garments. In essence they are meant for each other.

In Islam, marriage is a sacred practice highly regarded and revered even in the sight of God. It is obligatory and highly recommended. According to scholars, though it is highly recommended, it becomes obligatory when there is a chance of falling into sin. The Holy Quran says: “And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves; if they area needy, Allah will make them free from want out of his grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing.” (Quran 24:32). The Holy Prophet Mohammed (Peace Be unto Him) also said: “No house has been built in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than through marriage.” Thus, it is a highly respected tradition in Islam as it is a Sunnah (practice of the Holy Prophet). The benefits of marriage include fulfillment of sexual desires and procreation primarily.

Muslim marriage and customs are traditions and practices that relate to Muslim communities all over the world. In as much as the customs and traditions of a people affect this institution, the most important aspects of it still run across from the time of the Prophet Mohammed (P.B.U.H.) to date. Most important of all these is the payment of the brides dowry which is the basis of all marriages in Islam. It also enhances the prayers of the couple, increases sustenance and ensures that they remain healthier both physically and mentally. Marriage is also regarded as a way to acquire spiritual perfection as the Prophet said, “one who marries has already guarded half of his religion. Therefore he should fear Allah for the other half”. 

The right time to marry is when an individual reaches sexual as well as mental maturity. That is, the person must have the ability to have cordial relations. For boys he must reach at least fifteen years or be Baligh (age of maturity, 15). The consent of both the man and woman are to be sought before any arranged marriages are done. It is not mandatory to force people into marriage if they do not will.

Marriages in Ghana have undergone tremendous transformations in recent years. The effect of globalization has contributed immensely to this factor. Muslim wedding ceremonies have adopted some aspects of western cultures which are geared to make them flashy and unforgettable. Brides and grooms now engage in courtship before marriage as well go out on dates and are fully involved in the ceremony. It is a week long activity which sees the bride and groom involved in many aspects of their marriage.